I left Mayport on 10 August at 8am. I got into Japan on the 11th but by the time I got on the Essex, it was 1am on the 12th. So far, the people seem cool, but I am totally clueless on the ship and I have passed in uniform a few times. I know it's confusing for them (though no one's said anything)... So now I'm debating if I should grow my hair out more. I really don't want to, though... It's already getting pretty long and I want to get it cut, but I'm already getting weird looks in the female only berthing so maybe I'll just leave it. =/
They say there's internet access, and I've SEEN it, but I can't seem to get connected. This sucks. Also, I made an image of my batman arkham asylum game so I could mount it on a virtual device and not have the disc. Stupid thing wouldn't play now. "Please insert disc rather than a backup." HOW DOES IT KNOW? D:<
This sucks pure asshole. Whatever.

I have no idea where most things in the ship are. I can get to my beq, the galley, off the ship, and my lab okay, but everything else there's huge questionmarks. I'm going to cry when they blindfold me and tell me to make it to the lab from my beq. I'm just going to die. =[

We're going underway at the end of this month. That's okay but... I already woke up crying yesterday. I guess I'm not acclimating well. I am not experiencing any dysphoria though, so I guess that's good.

My LPO and LCPO are awesome, though all my co-workers are saying the LCPO sucks ass... We'll see, I guess. Anyway, they both know about me wanting to crossrate to MC (Mass communications) so they're giving me some sort of side-job as that. They're also giving me the AIMD website to design/make. Hopeully I can do it. Though without internet access to look up how to code certain things, it's going to be super difficult and taxing on my memory. They're saying I am going to get a lot of OJT with the MCs. Which is good. That means I will almost definitely get to cross rate to MC when my enlistment is up. And if I do awesome with the OJT and the webpage and stuff then I'm a definite shoe-in. The only problem is that i I for some reason don't make it through these three years, I will feel like an asshole because of all the work they did to make this MC stuff happen.

My one hope is that I will make it through and still somehow like it. Or at least not hate it and end up crying everyday. Then I'll re-enlist and get to go through MC A school like I wanted, do another term, and if I want to get out after THAT, I can be hired on as a cameraman or editor or something in the MC field like I always wanted. =)

But of course my problem after that is if I go through all this and then I end up not wanting to ttransition after all... All that trouble for nothing... I don't see myself becoming girly any time soon but I do suppose I will be in some sort of forced acceptance of my body by the time year 8 or something rolls around. D=
Well.. I don't know what will happen... There's no use in trying to predict things that far into the future... But I hope I do make it through these 3 years so I can be an MC at least. Then if I do cross rate, I'll think about dysphoria and shit then. Though by that time I may as well finish and retire and have it made anyways.

... Yesterday I was unpacking and putting everything in my rack, and I found a note Ariel left me. She'd stuffed it into my bag full of pens and pencils. It said something like "Q, what I feel for you must be what others call akin to love."
I thought it was sweet. But I feel terrible since I don't feel the same way at all. The camping trip was great but it made me realize how dependent I am on the sexual side of things. Because I couldn't touch her, I decided I didn't like her anymore. I think this is my main reason for wanting to transition. So I can have sex... Is that penis envy? I guess... Sigh.
How are you supposed to have sex with an androgyne anyway? I'd never thought of that before because when I wanted to be no sex at all, I was asexual and I didn't care about that. I guess I'm either going to have to somehow accept anal at some point or man up and get a penis I guess. Or likely both. Bawww....

So I am working CASS instead of 2m. Cass is basically troubleshooting down to a component. Exactly what we did in ATT and ATI A school. So basically what I suck the most at. AWESOME. I hope I can catch on when I do OJT anyway. Oh well. I also have top rack. It sucks. I have a bruise on my leg already because you kind of have to like, swing/shimmy in and I hit something when I swung in real quick like. Now I take it super slow. Good god, I hope when I move out of overflow (I'm only supposed to be here for a month) I don't have top rack again.
On the upside, though, I have an open top and I've got kind of a good little computer desk setup going on. Haha.


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