I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to write my very first journal entry. I decided that maybe the best way would be to shatter your brain.

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This incredibly long explanation of the trans universe aside, I was born a female. I am currently 22 years old and enlisted into the United States Navy as a female. I have never taken any hormones, never been to a psychologist for my 'gender issues' and am generally lumped in with what is known as "pre-op"s. pre- [sex change] operation.
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I'm not exactly sure where I fall within that spectrum, so I have always referred to myself as simply androgyne.
When I was in college, I openly identified as such and dressed specifically to confuse people (I believe the word for that now is a genderfuck). I had convinced myself any type of surgery was impossible to achieve because no one would let me get what I wanted- basically a sexless body. I also never believed I'd have the money. Some time later I joined the military, and it was then I realized through massive amounts of 'net surfing and self discovery that, hey wait-- I can get this stuff done, and I will have enough money to do it [eventually].
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Regardless, this blog is a personal one. Just day to day dumb and probably emo stuff. Things that pretty much any transperson will go through, but with the added bonus/stress/entertainment of me not really being an FtM and my very real risk of being booted out of the military for being "psychologically unfit". Maybe people can help me somehow and my experiences will help other people.
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Thank you for your time and yes, unfortunately most of my entries are going to be this painfully long.
[Personal intro] )

So I decided to get a multivitamin. Except that didn't work out too well because what I chose was an assortment of huge pills. Now I don't know about you, but I have a very hard time swallowing pills, let alone five huge ones every night. So I went back to GNC and asked for a liquid multivitamin, something akin to a meal replacement but not meant for losing weight. They only had one, and guess what it was? Women's Ultra Mega Active.

I've talked to other transguys in the past, they all say they are overcome with such huge grief when buying supplements and the like because they don't want to buy something for women. I used to feel exactly the same way. I went out of my way to find something not proclaiming gender or just buy the men's. I couldn't fathom what made our bodies so different that it warranted different ingredients. I always thought it was some marketing scheme set otu to genderize psuedo-pharmaceutical products.

I was with a co-worker at the time and in a revealing [female] uniform so I was't passing as male at all (plus i was on base). I didn't feel like getting the men's version because, well, I am not technically "a man" so without thinking I just bought what the GNC rep gave me.

I mean, I needed this afterall. I am suffering from exhaustion all the time currently and I can't up my PT(physical training) schedule without doing something about my pitiful nutrient intake first.

While a part of me sees this gigantic bottle of women's multivitamin on the counter and dies inside a bit, I can't also help but think. "I am a female. This is what my body needs to get better. Right?"
Does it?

I guess we'll see if the 30 bucks was worth it. And hey, I've got 4 years left in my contract. If it "feminizes" me then maybe I won't have to shave as much. That'd be something to look forward to, right? It's not like I need to worry about passing in the military.

Reminds me too much of Korn's "Trash".
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me
.

I think sometimes we worry about stupid things just to make our lives more dramatic.
.

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