In a really long series of events, I am unable to eat at the galley (military cafeteria) and must cook my own food. I can't cook worth a shit, and to be honest, I've no drive to learn how to cook considering that in August, I will be forced to eat at the gallery, so there's really no point in learning right now.

That aside, I've always wanted to go organic. So I figured that since I couldn't eat crap anymore, I may as well take the opportunity to do what I had always wanted and eat super healthy. This lasted for about two weeks. I was very happy with myself. Then I became hungry all the time but still felt full, had absolutely no energy, and my body began acting weird. For lack of better description, I felt like I was more "womanly", like my hormones were unbalanced and I'd lost a lot of testosterone (or what I perceived to be as testosterone. I can never know for sure, but I always felt I had more than the average female).

Completely by accident, I stumbled over a little news article saying that cutting fat out of your diet reduces testosterone and can mess with men's libidos. After that, a little mental epiphany happened and I decided to forego eating healthy. I started eating a bunch of junk- Taco bell, chocolates, whatever was cheap and I felt like pigging out on at the time. I went back to "normal" which for me was shaving my face every two or three days because, yes, I do get that much facial hair (is that normal for a female? Who knows.)

Everything was great until I realized that whoa, I am spending way too much money on this junk food, and I need to eat a lot more of it to be "healthy" (especially if I want to exercise).


So I decided to get a multivitamin. Except that didn't work out too well because what I chose was an assortment of huge pills. Now I don't know about you, but I have a very hard time swallowing pills, let alone five huge ones every night. So I went back to GNC and asked for a liquid multivitamin, something akin to a meal replacement but not meant for losing weight. They only had one, and guess what it was? Women's Ultra Mega Active.

I've talked to other transguys in the past, they all say they are overcome with such huge grief when buying supplements and the like because they don't want to buy something for women. I used to feel exactly the same way. I went out of my way to find something not proclaiming gender or just buy the men's. I couldn't fathom what made our bodies so different that it warranted different ingredients. I always thought it was some marketing scheme set otu to genderize psuedo-pharmaceutical products.

I was with a co-worker at the time and in a revealing [female] uniform so I was't passing as male at all (plus i was on base). I didn't feel like getting the men's version because, well, I am not technically "a man" so without thinking I just bought what the GNC rep gave me.

I mean, I needed this afterall. I am suffering from exhaustion all the time currently and I can't up my PT(physical training) schedule without doing something about my pitiful nutrient intake first.

While a part of me sees this gigantic bottle of women's multivitamin on the counter and dies inside a bit, I can't also help but think. "I am a female. This is what my body needs to get better. Right?"
Does it?

I guess we'll see if the 30 bucks was worth it. And hey, I've got 4 years left in my contract. If it "feminizes" me then maybe I won't have to shave as much. That'd be something to look forward to, right? It's not like I need to worry about passing in the military.

Reminds me too much of Korn's "Trash".
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me
.

I think sometimes we worry about stupid things just to make our lives more dramatic.
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