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Well apparently everyone is wondering whether I am a boy or a girl...
My small sect of male friends (who are my only current friends) seem to get a huge kick out of me being a "reverse trap" though they haven't actually used that particular wording. They just like trying to get me to ask a bunch of girls out and then oh "OHAY SHE'S GOT A VAG LOLOLOL". Which is... Yeah, funny... But... Makes me feel worse about my equipment since I have absolutely no desire to use it at all and am too afraid to go get a strap on or something.
But, on the plus side, apparently in Japan androgyny is completely amazing. Or something.
There is this bar we go to a lot. I don't know the real name but we call it "Rum's Bar" because the girl who runs it goes by the name Rum.
A friend relayed a conversation between her and a mutual friend of ours about me. Rum asked if I was a girl or guy.
But then the mutual friend asked, "don't you have guys that look like girls in Japan?"
Rum says, "Yes, but you can still tell if they are men."
Eventually the mutual friend let out that I was female and Rum was super surprised (but everyone says she's gay and wants to hook up with me more now because I am female??).
Only one of my friends "knows" about me. He has been kind of helpful in saying that we(our group of friends) should all pretend I am a guy just because it's "easier" on the locals. I don't think it's going to take too well. They have too much fun playing games with the bar girls' minds and revealing my "real sex". I guess it doesn't matter, really. Better this than thinking I'm a freak.
Although, they do lay on the "you're such a girl" jokes.
Those only seem to be waylaid if I stop deliberately trying to 'be a man' with them. If I play off my passing as just a game, that is more acceptable to them. I guess that makes sense...
Blehhh. Life is okay so far. With my friends it's pretty good but at work, I haven't gotten much done because I arrived at a bad time. Internet is super hard to come by and there's a lot of pressure to have sex with someone (anyone of any sex in my case) and I am just so put off by the idea now I feel kind of horrible. We go underway in a few weeks, then I'll have no internet for a few months. Some of the girls in the berthing (living space) really hate me. I guess looking like a guy somehow, in their minds, makes THEM look bad. Wtf?
I've shaved everything though, my legs and pits so I can "fit in" a bit more. But it's only helped a little (and only for my self-esteem at not feeling like I'm going to be beaten any time soon).
I'm supposed to move out of my current beq to a new one soon. I walked in there the other day to see how it looked and I definitely scared a few girls who were dressing. I scare some now in my own beq but most of them are used to me. Still a few do doubletakes and females outside my own beq normally can't tell if I'm male or female.
Stupid sex-seperated military. I really don't know how to handle this. I don't want to "girlify" but at the same time I feel like I have to. Sometimes I wonder if chiefs think I'm a shitbag because my hair is too long [for a male]. =/ But I think word has passed along them to "look out for me" since I'm female...
Another thing I'm kind of pissed about, is that the guy I told about my situation, while very understanding and tryign to get everyone to refer to me as he out in town, always makes jokes about how I should cosplay as some extremely underdressed/sexy female. My reply is "No you" always (or some variant). It's happened a lot now, like 10 times yesterday. IT'S NOT THAT ENTERTAINING IS IT? I MEAN REALLY. Once or twice I can understand but ten times? A DAY? I'm not Rikku or Yoko or anyone with any sort of boobs or hips. STOP TRYING.
It probably doesn't help that this guy is falling for me big time. It's obvious but I'm trying to play dumb because I'm entirely uninterested in anything sexual right now.
My small sect of male friends (who are my only current friends) seem to get a huge kick out of me being a "reverse trap" though they haven't actually used that particular wording. They just like trying to get me to ask a bunch of girls out and then oh "OHAY SHE'S GOT A VAG LOLOLOL". Which is... Yeah, funny... But... Makes me feel worse about my equipment since I have absolutely no desire to use it at all and am too afraid to go get a strap on or something.
But, on the plus side, apparently in Japan androgyny is completely amazing. Or something.
There is this bar we go to a lot. I don't know the real name but we call it "Rum's Bar" because the girl who runs it goes by the name Rum.
A friend relayed a conversation between her and a mutual friend of ours about me. Rum asked if I was a girl or guy.
But then the mutual friend asked, "don't you have guys that look like girls in Japan?"
Rum says, "Yes, but you can still tell if they are men."
Eventually the mutual friend let out that I was female and Rum was super surprised (but everyone says she's gay and wants to hook up with me more now because I am female??).
Only one of my friends "knows" about me. He has been kind of helpful in saying that we(our group of friends) should all pretend I am a guy just because it's "easier" on the locals. I don't think it's going to take too well. They have too much fun playing games with the bar girls' minds and revealing my "real sex". I guess it doesn't matter, really. Better this than thinking I'm a freak.
Although, they do lay on the "you're such a girl" jokes.
Those only seem to be waylaid if I stop deliberately trying to 'be a man' with them. If I play off my passing as just a game, that is more acceptable to them. I guess that makes sense...
Blehhh. Life is okay so far. With my friends it's pretty good but at work, I haven't gotten much done because I arrived at a bad time. Internet is super hard to come by and there's a lot of pressure to have sex with someone (anyone of any sex in my case) and I am just so put off by the idea now I feel kind of horrible. We go underway in a few weeks, then I'll have no internet for a few months. Some of the girls in the berthing (living space) really hate me. I guess looking like a guy somehow, in their minds, makes THEM look bad. Wtf?
I've shaved everything though, my legs and pits so I can "fit in" a bit more. But it's only helped a little (and only for my self-esteem at not feeling like I'm going to be beaten any time soon).
I'm supposed to move out of my current beq to a new one soon. I walked in there the other day to see how it looked and I definitely scared a few girls who were dressing. I scare some now in my own beq but most of them are used to me. Still a few do doubletakes and females outside my own beq normally can't tell if I'm male or female.
Stupid sex-seperated military. I really don't know how to handle this. I don't want to "girlify" but at the same time I feel like I have to. Sometimes I wonder if chiefs think I'm a shitbag because my hair is too long [for a male]. =/ But I think word has passed along them to "look out for me" since I'm female...
Another thing I'm kind of pissed about, is that the guy I told about my situation, while very understanding and tryign to get everyone to refer to me as he out in town, always makes jokes about how I should cosplay as some extremely underdressed/sexy female. My reply is "No you" always (or some variant). It's happened a lot now, like 10 times yesterday. IT'S NOT THAT ENTERTAINING IS IT? I MEAN REALLY. Once or twice I can understand but ten times? A DAY? I'm not Rikku or Yoko or anyone with any sort of boobs or hips. STOP TRYING.
It probably doesn't help that this guy is falling for me big time. It's obvious but I'm trying to play dumb because I'm entirely uninterested in anything sexual right now.
Tags:
- androgyne,
- androgyny,
- ftm,
- gblt,
- gender,
- genderqueer,
- japan,
- lgbt,
- military,
- navy,
- trans,
- transboy,
- transgender,
- transman,
- transsexual