Transmilitant FtM Wannabe

Well apparently everyone is wondering whether I am a boy or a girl...
My small sect of male friends (who are my only current friends) seem to get a huge kick out of me being a "reverse trap" though they haven't actually used that particular wording. They just like trying to get me to ask a bunch of girls out and then oh "OHAY SHE'S GOT A VAG LOLOLOL". Which is... Yeah, funny... But... Makes me feel worse about my equipment since I have absolutely no desire to use it at all and am too afraid to go get a strap on or something.( Read more... )

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to write my very first journal entry. I decided that maybe the best way would be to shatter your brain.

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This incredibly long explanation of the trans universe aside, I was born a female. I am currently 22 years old and enlisted into the United States Navy as a female. I have never taken any hormones, never been to a psychologist for my 'gender issues' and am generally lumped in with what is known as "pre-op"s. pre- [sex change] operation.
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I'm not exactly sure where I fall within that spectrum, so I have always referred to myself as simply androgyne.
When I was in college, I openly identified as such and dressed specifically to confuse people (I believe the word for that now is a genderfuck). I had convinced myself any type of surgery was impossible to achieve because no one would let me get what I wanted- basically a sexless body. I also never believed I'd have the money. Some time later I joined the military, and it was then I realized through massive amounts of 'net surfing and self discovery that, hey wait-- I can get this stuff done, and I will have enough money to do it [eventually].
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Regardless, this blog is a personal one. Just day to day dumb and probably emo stuff. Things that pretty much any transperson will go through, but with the added bonus/stress/entertainment of me not really being an FtM and my very real risk of being booted out of the military for being "psychologically unfit". Maybe people can help me somehow and my experiences will help other people.
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Thank you for your time and yes, unfortunately most of my entries are going to be this painfully long.